


Midnight Wonderings

by Joham_Fate



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Repressed Feelings, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 20:17:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15299232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joham_Fate/pseuds/Joham_Fate
Summary: Graham sits and contemplates life, over Whisky.





	Midnight Wonderings

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, thanks for clicking!
> 
> Quick warning, this was written whilst I had been drinking, and it was past midnight.
> 
> Please forgive any typos I may have missed, and the formatting.
> 
> Having said that, I hope you enjoy.

Graham sat in the dark, nursing a glass of Whisky, brooding on the sofa within the confines of Home Farm. The last few weeks had been...trying, to say the least. The former soldier had never imagined, when he had met a thirteen year old Joseph Tate, that he would one day find himself sat within a manor on top of a hill. Not after all he had done, all he had caused. He didn't deserve a life of privilege. Not him.

 

Yet here he was, Graham thought. A man in his early forties, second in command of Waterhouse International. Oh, and he was also the right hand of the young boy he had raised, who he coincidentally also happened to live with. Upon reflection, even Graham had to admit, their relationship could raise many questions, and not all good either.

 

It was something he had learned to not really question, especially not as of late. Graham had found, it more often than not, left him with a headache. He sometimes found himself laid awake at night, within the solitary quiet of his own room, wondering what he had been thinking, to take up business with a former student at his place of work. What had been going through his mind, when he had decided to take it upon himself, to nurture and guide a lost soul. Perhaps it was because he had recognised so many qualities in Joe, that he also saw in himself.

 

The longing to make something of oneself, which could only come with the emptiness which came with a lack of parental interest. To prove to the world that you were worth something, worth more than the memory of a dead man. Or worth more than the memory of a tragic accident which cost two people lives. And Graham couldn't help but think, that even though he was long since lost, it didn't have to be that way for Joe. He had wanted to see the younger man rise from the ashes of his Parent's memory, and evolve into some magnificent beast.  But there was days, when Graham felt that perhaps he had encouraged that beast far too much. There were days when Graham feared he had unleashed a monster out of the Tate heir.

 

Yet no matter what Joe did, the older man could never find it within himself to walk away. No matter how much he told himself that Joe was bad news, Graham couldn't seem to overcome the feelings he felt towards Joe. Here was a young man, in whom Graham had invested ten years of his time and affection in.

 

Graham recalled their first Christmas together. Joe had transferred to the School that September, and had been slow in making friends. That wasn't just a recent development, Joe had always been happy to keep to himself. He didn't trust easily, and preferred to keep to himself. And yet, Graham had been surprised to note, that the young boy had taken to him quite quickly. Joe spent many of his breaks, standing close by, as Graham would half heartedly perform his groundkeeper duties, all the while keeping conversation with the boy. Anyway, that Christmas Joe had approached Graham, confiding that he didn't want to go home for the holidays. In the end, Christmas Eve found Joe and Graham sat in the latter's hut, watching a movie and drinking hot chocolates. The start of a tradition which had lasted even to this day.

 

"Graham?" A voice broke through his thoughts. Graham looked up and strained his eyes in the darkness. It was Joe, unsurprisingly, who else would be lurking about Home Farm at gone one in the morning. The other man was dressed in silk bottoms and nothing else, obviously just out of bed. Graham presumed he had been on his way to grab a warm mug of Milk. Joe had been known many a times throughout their time together, to awake from a nightmare, and Graham had suggested some warm milk. Apparently it helped, as Joe still accepted the remedy.

 

"What are you drinking?" Joe asked, walking into the lounge and towards Graham. "Is that alcohol?" His voice was laced with worry and concern.

 

Graham glanced at the glass in his hand, not really seeing the liquor if he was been honest. He just needed something to shut his mind down for a little while. Not that it had done any good.

 

"Just..a little..whisky.."Graham replied, surprised by his slurred speech. He hadn't realised until now, just how much he had drank.

 

"A little?" Joe commented, glancing at the half empty bottle on the table in front of Graham. Joe sat himself down next to Graham on the sofa, reaching over to take the glass from his hand. Graham pouted a little, as he felt the glass prized from his fingers, his gaze following the liquid onto the table.

 

Graham startled a little, his heading snapping to his left, as he felt a soft hand clasp his own, which was lying on the sofa at his side. He looked down, and saw Joe's hand covering his own, and when he looked up, Graham could see a mix of concern and compassion in Joe's eyes.

 

"Don't... look at me like... that, Joseph." Graham scolded. He didn't want pity, or concern.

He just wanted to be left alone in the darkness. He saw Joe raise an eyebrow in his direction, and found himself momentarily distracted by the blue of Joe's eyes, which he could only just make out.

 

 "Don't look at me...like that." Graham repeated, putting emphasis on the latter half of the sentence.

 

Joe smiled softly, "What is going on, Graham? Why tonight?"

 

Graham shrugged, removing his hand from Joe's, and wiping his mouth.

 

"Why you?" Graham slurred, his head swimming as he struggled to keep his gaze on Joe.

 

Thoughts were swirling throughout his mind, a dozen at once, all flying their own way. He couldn't grab onto one for more than a second.

 

"Out of...six billion... people... on this planet. Why was I …drawn …to, to _you_?"

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Let me know what you think. :)


End file.
